Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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