He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
