I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
