Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
