i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
