Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
