Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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