Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
