I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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