i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
