She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
