and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
