Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
