why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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