nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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