Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
