You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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