as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
there is puke in my bra ... again
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