I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
