kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
