What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
