why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
