Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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