is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My balls are so social today.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I stole a fireplace last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
