I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
