I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
