Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
