He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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