its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
