I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
