PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
