Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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