It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
