After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
