I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This house was built for laser tag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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