So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
