I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize