Got a toothbrush?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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