man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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