..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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