She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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