Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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