This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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