just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
babies were throwing up all over the place
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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