Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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