Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
