Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
