Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
