I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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