Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
