but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
