Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you never un-have a 4some
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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