Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
