i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
