thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
