I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
