I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
