I got chris browned last night
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
