I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
