Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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