woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
