By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Randomize
