I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
