When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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