Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
