i already hear my dad disowning me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
