I am spending my child support on dildos
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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