he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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