Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
