I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize